Seasons, Tables & Chairs

Last week one of the questions I asked was, “What do you need?”. It led me to look within and looking at those around me. Since I have been taking inventory of my heart, I also looked at those who have access to it. On one side, it led me to moments of utter gratitude because of the work that we have put in on both sides of our relationships. It was the gratitude of getting to the “other side” of those huge fights, disagreements, and silent treatments that adjusted the face of our relationship. New boundaries were set after ownership and reconciliation was established. It paved the way for further depths of vulnerability to be explored and embraced. Not everyone occupies those areas in your heart — and not everyone should!

This weekend, I listened to a clubhouse room entitled something like, “Maybe It’s Not You, but Maybe It’s Your Friends.” Those who talked confirmed many conversations I had with the Lord in prayer concerning this “inventory” of relationships. Sharde Martin was there (If you don’t know who she is….look 👏🏽her 👏🏽up). She mentioned how people can get so caught up in the right now of where the relationship is and not adjusting to the seasons they are assigned to. It’s a scary thing when people take ownership of these seasons and walk in the entitlement of owning the next.

Naturally, yet, depending on where you are, seasons change every 3 months or so. Seeds are not arrogant enough to believe they can grow in the dead of winter, nor do leaves fight the fall. Both work in their assigned seasons and times in which they were purposed. This is what I want to remind you of, my friend. Some relationships we build will last for years and years, but let us not forget that some relationships are meant to be for seasons.

Not everyone will have a forever seat at your table to share meals with you, talk for hours on the phone, and even travel with you. Some relationships are meant to have an exportation date, and sometimes it can cause more frustration than we want to admit: seasons, tables, and chairs change along with the names associated with them. These adjustments’ grief can be unspeakable and as real as the screen you are reading this blog, but it does not stop the new season that we are headed to! You are worth the adventure of this process. It hurts, it’s confusing, and it will bring many questions, but more importantly, there will be much clarity about yourself.

Personally, when I did not allow myself to accept seasonal relationships, either I became irritated with the old conversations, or I found myself unintentionally hurting their feelings as I spend my time on other things. I had to settle within myself that just because I am/was close to someone does not mean they are entitled to the next season in my life. There’s a time for everything in our lives and especially relationships (Ecc. 3:1-8).

Question time:
Is there someone in your life that you can see feels “entitled” to be at the table of your heart when the season has clearly changed? Are you that someone in another person’s life?

When Jesus asked the disciples, “Who do you say I am?” Peter responded and said, “You are the Christ, Son of the living God” (Matt 16:13-23, Mark 8:27-30; Luke 9:18-20). Jesus then told the disciples of the things that He must suffer, and just as quickly as Peter confirmed the revelation of who Jesus was, Peter took Jesus to the side to try to rebuke Him. Peter felt entitled to “stay” in and take ownership of the next season of Jesus assignment. Jesus quickly responded and rebuked him, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me. For you do not have the mind of the things of God, but the things of men.“

Those who are entitled to our next seasons can be after one thing: abiding in the comfort of what you give them more so than what they give you. Some could simply have abandonment problems and do not know how to cope with the grief of adjusting to life without those they have allowed fulfilling various areas of their lives. I say all of that repeat, Henry Cloud from his book, Boundaries, It’s not your responsibility to manage how other people respond to your boundaries. And I will add, it’s not our responsibility to manage the entitlement of other people.

Allow for people to change, grow and evolve. Seasons come and season go. Tables changes because of seasons, and the seats at those tables are adjusted accordingly…and you know what? That’s okay.

Embrace your new season.